Hey, what a talented kid Max Wood must be, or rich. See if you can lock that shit down with a Scunci tie-in.
Congrats, dude, you scored the most played-to-death song in Claire's Boutiques since "How Bizarre". I'll give that it pretty much invents children's hip-hop (Fred Penner, are you on this shit?), but only at the expense of all human dignity. The result is a failure astonishing enough to actually deserve classification as "crack music." What's worse? How dipshits all over the world absolutely reveled in its wretched, gauzy hook, making it a certified international supersmash. Poorly interpreting Rule #1 from the Kanye West Production Manual, Akon mistook Bobby Vinton's simpering 1964 hit "Mr. But while some will take issue with the 15 selections ultimately chosen, I have no doubt that the shit's abominable. Just consider what didn't make the cut: Goldie Lookin' Chain, the Bloodhound Gang, 50 Cent's "Candy Shop", Bo Bice, Louis XIV, Bowling for Soup, Juelz Santana's "There It Go (The Whistle Song)", Kelly Osbourne, CocoRosie, Panic! At the Disco, Ninja High School, Moby's Hotel, "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk", Audioslave, the Darkness, the Bravery, Liz Phair, the Mars Volta, and Neil Diamond's hysterically absurd "Hell Yeah".
Naturally, it gets bad every year, but was there something special about this one? To choose only 15 was an overwhelming task. But I realize I'm only saying that because I've just spent two days scraping out my brain's peripheral sludgebanks to pull 2005's worst releases and one-offs back from the brink of repression. When I look back at all the absolute garbage released this year, it makes me wonder how we can remain so consistently optimistic about the state of music.